Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
    To have his ghoul stones removed!

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
    He could feel it in his bones!

What do boney people use to get into their homes?
    Skeleton keys!

What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
    It came back with a skeleton crew!

Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
        Women can see right through them.

Why didn't the Invisible Man get invited to the Halloween party?
        They knew he wouldn't show up.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
        Because everyone was a goblin!

How do mummies hide?
        They wear masking tape.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
        He didn't have the guts.

Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
        Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

How can you tell that Doctor Frankenstein had a good sense of humor?
        Because he kept his monster in stitches.

Why do dragons sleep during the day?
        So they can fight knights.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
        They take the psycho path.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
        No body.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
        They're good at keeping things under wraps.

If the devil lost his tail, where could he find a new one?
        At a store where they retail spirits.

Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest?
        He was dead on his feet.

Why did the headless horseman go into business?
        He wanted to get ahead in life.

What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
         "You're under a vest!"

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
      A Pumpkin Pi.
 
How do you make a witch stew?
     Keep her waiting for hours.
 
How do ghosts begin their letters?
     "Tomb it may concern...."
 
What do you call a person who puts rat poison in another person's Corn Flakes?
     A cereal killer.
 
How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
     With a pumpkin patch.
 
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
     Because people are dying to get in.
 
Why was the mummy so tense?
     He was all wound up.
 
How do you know if a ghost is lying?
     You can see right through him.
 
How is a werewolf like a computer?
     They both have megabytes.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
     They're afraid of flying off the handle.
 
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
     Lake Erie.
 
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
     To stop his coffin.
 
How can you tell when a window is scared?
     They get shudders.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
     It had no body to dance with.
 
When does a skeleton laugh?
     When something tickles his funny bone.
 
Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
     Because he's always goblin.
 
What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
     He's mist.
 
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
     Hoblin Goblin
 
What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
     A blood vessel.

What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
     Lazybones.
 
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
     A sandwitch.
 
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
     He didn't have a haunting license.

Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
        They're a bunch of no bodies.

What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
         Spelling.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
        It's a pain in the neck.

What happened to the monster children who ate all their vegetables?
        They gruesome.

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
        A grave problem.